i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
