I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I can text with my tongue
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
