well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
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