SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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