I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
