don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
