There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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