Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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