OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
