how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
