OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I could have mohawked her pubes.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
