i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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