I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
