I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
