Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
