I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
