I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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