She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
