i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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