you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
