Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
