Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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