I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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