I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
