So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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