Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
