i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
