Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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