.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
you will always have a special place in my vag
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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