maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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