I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
