youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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