I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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