i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I wish you could order shots online.
do herpes really smell.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
