Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
My underwear smells like fireworks.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
