She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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