Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
