I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
