Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
