Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
