she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
