evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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