Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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