i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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