let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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