I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
