We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
