so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
