The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I wannas sexs uuuuu
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
