she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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