I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
