I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
