I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I am spending my child support on dildos
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
