I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
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