did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
