i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i love accidental penises.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
A bitchslap is in order.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
