Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
