My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
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