Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
