he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
