Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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