You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
you win again, gameday.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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