Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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