Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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