Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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